Critical Sarcasm

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Oh Hangnails, You're The Worst

Have you ever realized just how much hangnails suck? Or how about how the not-quite-a-hangnail tiny wound that results from a nail being ripped off wrong?

Now, most people, I'm sure, don't want hangnails and they don't want to deal with them. However, they are generally considered a minor nuisance to be ignored, but really, they are a lot more than that. They are on our hands, the things we use to interact with the world. They haunt us every hour of every day.

So there you are, in the middle of a field. You notice one of your nails is just a little too long. So you decide to bite/tear it off. Big mistake. Now, for the next few days, your life is going to be miserable.

It starts with the pain of having torn that delicate skin at the side of your nail, and then, it shares all the common problems of a proper hangnail.

Trying to do anything? "Oh, look at that little bit of flesh hanging off the side of my finger, I NEED to get rid of that." Which of course, leads to more pain, or at the very least, an incredible amount of distraction.

Trying to buy a drink? "Alright, let me just get my wall... Ow! fff... sigh" The bastard catches on your pocket/crap in your purse as you go to reach for your money, again, causing plenty of pain.

Well, I suppose if that was it, it's not all that bad, just very distracting. However, distractions cost time, and time is money, so therefore, hangnails take a chunk of change out of your wallet as well as your spirit.

Alright, it's been a couple days, we decided to rip/cut it off and now, the horror, is finally over. It's healed, it looks a little red, but whatever it's fine.... Until.

Taping on your desk while thinking? Pain. Playing guitar? Pain. Brush against a wall? Pain. Your co-worker sets a book down next to your hand, but manages to gently brush up against your previous wound in that exact right place? Pain.

Hangnails suck.