Critical Sarcasm

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Story Time!

So there you are. Driving down the road. You pass a couple of two bit towns and think nothing of it. You're looking forward to that stop halfway between home and the city, but then it hits you. You gotta piss.

That doesn't seem so bad, just pull over and take a leak. But you can't. Why? Well first, you have a girl in the car and you might not want to show her just how much of an animal you really are.

Second, you just know that a cop who is having a shitty day is going to stop by, and the next thing you know your life will ruined as you are fined and put on the sex offender list. That's right, our society would rather watch you slowly die as your kidneys burst, then let you piss on the side of the road. But I digress

So you finally make it to the next gas station which was about 70 miles away. You get out of the car and double over as your bladder let's you know that it's full.

After crawling to the bathroom, you just get up to the urinal and let it rip. It's at about this point that you think to yourself, "Why didn't I just piss myself in the car?"

Why? Because there is no water in the fucking urinal. How does that matter? Think about it. If there is no water, then you have to piss on porcelain or a rubber matt. Both of which are simply going to cover you in piss from the splash back. It's total bullshit. What are we saving? And not only do some of these things have no water in the bowl, some of them don't use water at all! How crazy is that? Now, not only am I spraying my own piss all over myself unless I manage to hit that inside rim of the bowl just perfectly so that the piss swirls around the back the urinal instead of splashing back on me, I now have other people's piss on me as well. Don't believe me? Then just go rub your hand on the back wall of a urinal. No? Didn't think so.

Seriously, after all that, and the piss driblets that were guarenteed to follow, why didn't I just piss myself in the car? I'm going to get back in covered in piss anyway, so what's the difference?